Exist Loudly

Hope Comes from Letting Go

Everyone keeps asking me if I’m okay and even though I say yes, they give me that look like I’m lying to them.
Yes, one week ago my mom died. Yes, one week ago I lost one of the most important people in my life (but I have others who are just as important still with me.)
Why can’t I be okay with death?
My parents have always taught us that death is something that happens. Sometimes when you least expect it, sometimes you see it coming. Death is nothing to be feared. Death is not a moment of sadness.
Death is a celebration. A renewal. A door opening. Death is not the end but the beginning.
Laugh if you want, roll your eyes, or do whatever you want. You have been taught death is one thing and I have been taught death is another.
So I’m sitting here writing this blog on Christmas Day with my mom sitting on my shoulder and a smile on her face. She would have been proud on the way her family celebrated her life and are dealing with her death. Yes we lost her, but we gained a guardian angel.
The title of this blog came from a tag line to the movie THINGS WE LOST IN THE FIRE. I have always liked it and taped it to my door at work but this week, it meant more to me.
Yes, I physically let go of my mom, but I have not let go of her memories, of all that she taught me, and her spirit. The moment I let go of her physically was the exact moment that hope returned into my heart.
To me, a heart without hope is a heart that should not be beating. Hope is attainable. Hope can happen. Let go and hope returns.
Listening to “Night Runner” by Duran Duran