Exist Loudly

At this Very Moment

It’s 10:20 pm. Do you know where your life is at?
As I lounge in my pjs, listening to the weather of the gods slay outside and hearing the drumming from Amos slide through the night, I started to think about what my play list for this Saturday’s Pink Elephant Music Listening Party would be. What theme would it have this time? Would it be genre specific? What did I want it to convey if anything?
Then it hit me. I wanted it to be where I was in my life right now. At this very moment. Sunday, March 28th, 2010 @ 10:26 pm.
Then the next question I had to answer was this: where is my life at?
The answer, I have. My life is exactly where it should be. I am exactly where I should be. I may have stumbled, fell, made decisions (good, bad, ugly, great and no so great), been kicked, beaten, cried, laughed, loved, and so on, but it all happened to get me where I should be at this very moment.
Sitting in my pjs, writing, thinking, believing, living, & loving.
Everything that has happened has happened for a reason. Life doesn’t throw more than you can handle. I can choose to make my choices without fear or I can let the fear rule me. This week, I kicked fear in the teeth. Tomorrow, fear and I could fight a bloody battle, but I’m not going to go down without a fight.
My life is where I want it to be. My life is mine. My life is my own choices. I don’t regret any choice I make. I learn from all of them. They make me stronger.
And if you’re reading this and you know me well (or not so well), you may be sitting in your chair or wherever you choose to read, and are asking, “Shelia what happened this week or what happened to make you feel this way?”
My answer to you: life happened.
My crazy, unplanned, and never a dull moment life happened.
Just like the brand spanking new roller coaster I rode on Friday, life is one hill at a time. Some hills will take your breath away and some hills will make your stomach sink, but all in all, the ride is always a blast! You get off and say to yourself, “I want to do it again.”
Once the ride of life is done, it’s done for good so I’m enjoying it all as much as I can right now at this very moment.
Here are my 10 songs for where I am right now in a thought…(cheesy, but this is my space and I write what I want when I want.)
To “Beat the Devil’s Tattoo” of insecurity, I think I have finally learned to stop comparing myself to “Felicia” and her fake nails, boobs, and face. In fact, the person I’m comparing myself too is more than likely not all that. I’ve just made them that way because I’ve lacked self confidence in myself. Every girl is searching for a man that will shout, “I’ll Be Your Man.” Some settle. Some don’t and somehow among the sea of choices you have to find the man that doesn’t want all the “Gold Guns Girls” in the world. Me though, I realized I want a little fun in my life because sometimes my life feels like a “Hurricane” and a stage five disaster but it’s not. It’s “A Beautiful Mess,” and it’s all mine and I love it. “Only Time Will Tell” where this crazy life takes me, but I will have fun, party like an “Animal” and keep some of my desires “Undisclosed Desires” until whoever is above sends out the signal to “End Transmission”
Listening to “Hurricane” by needtobreathe

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