Exist Loudly

Reflection of the Word Negative

Something’s been kind of bugging me…
So a few weeks ago, I was told I was in a round about way, I was a negative person & was bringing a negative energy. That hurt. That pissed me off. I pride myself on being a positive person. I’m positive person. In the situation where I was told I was being negative, I will openly admit that I’m a hardball and have a strict way of doing things because it’s got to be organized and it’s got to be on point. No detail can be over looked and no “t” or “i” cannot be crossed or dotted. I ask the tough questions. I ask the what if’s. I stand up for the product. I stand by for what I believe in. I don’t give in and I don’t give up. If I’m wrong, I will admit it. If another idea is better, I’ll say so. I help when I can, but there’s also a point where you realize the person you are trying to help has skirted through life without having to bust their ass and I stop trying. If you think you just deserve something because of your looks, then I’m not going to bust my ass to help you.
If that is the definition of negative, then I guess by that definition, I’m negative.
I was taught from a young age to work hard, believe in yourself, believe in your dreams, to be honest to yourselves and others and to never lie.
I have held a job since I was 16. I worked through high school. When I realized I couldn’t afford to go to college and didn’t qualify for any scholarships, I didn’t ask my parents to take on another job or two. I didn’t know what I wanted to be or what I wanted to study, so why would I ask them to pay for that? Instead of just sitting on the couch after high school, I got a job where my dad worked and worked 80 hours a week with him. I had Saturday nights off and Sundays. I worked on a line building oil pumps for big rig trucks. I could build 300 plus oil pumps a day. I took pride in it. Even then, there was a strict way I did things. I busted ass, kept my head low, and kept to myself.
After that job, I moved into retail. I got a job at selling shoes at a shoe store. Did I love my job? No. It was a thankless job but I had some great co-workers. We would turn on the lite rock station because it was the least offensive to our customers and in the slow times, sing-a-long and organize the shelves and shelves of shoes. I started as part-timer there and then moved into an assistant manager position.
When I left the job selling shoes, I moved into another retail position. I left a full time job to start part-time at Victoria’s Secret. I started at the bottom and worked my way to a key holder. During an employee review, I asked my boss why she hired me? Her answer was because you’re spunky, your honest, and I radiated a positiveness. When this manager left, a dark energy filled the store. I left some time after she did. I worked odd jobs in various retail areas and then I received a phone call from one my former VS manager. She had left to go work for Levi’s O-Spin store, she took me with her and together we opened a store together. During my time at Levi’s, a co-worker, said to me that I should not be so honest. I told her that I wasn’t raised that way. I spoke what came to my mind and if it offended her, then she could tell me and explain how she felt and I would listen as she spoke. We both walked away realizing that we had been raised the same way. She just didn’t wear her emotions and her heart on her sleeve. Soon after the Levi’s O-Spin store closed and the manager that had taken me on this amazing journey asked me if I would join her for our 3rd journey. Of course I would. I joined her at Bath and Body Works. I loved my job here. Yes, the scents often gave me a headache, but the energy in the store with the people we worked with were magical. We without a doubt had the best times you could have in retail. Then while I was on vacation, they let most of the staff go. I returned to a store that was once happy and fun to a store that was cold and lifeless. I lasted about two-three weeks before I turned my resignation in. It was too drab, too negative.
After that, I again started over again. From the bottom and back to full time. I found a career and it was in something I loved. I’ve been there ever since.
Again, busted ass.
I have a problem with people who use their looks, their sex, their lack of brains, their lack of talent, their attitude of you/the world owe me and except that life is easy breezy just because you’re pretty, you’re a chick, you’re not as smart but someone feels sorry for you so they let you slide by and so on.
Life is not easy. Life is not all magical.
But having said that, because I busted my ass, I don’t take anything for granted. Everything I own, everything I have, every person in my life that means something to me, I have busted my ass for.
So instead of walking away from the you’re negative and bringing a negative energy, I found a spark inside me. It said to me, you work hard, you bust your ass, keep it up because you’re just fine. I can’t change the way people perceive me. I can only change the way I perceive myself.
I perceive myself as a dreamer, a believer, and someone who believes in positive of the universe. I don’t let a day go by without thanking the universe for the wonderful day it has give me and I don’t take the small stuff for granted. For every amount of positive energy you send me or give me, then I return it to you. For every amount of negative energy and hate you send my way, I may grow a bit weaker for a moment, but I’m stronger in the end because I didn’t let you effect me.

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