Closer to the Edge

Risk Is Everything

Risk IS everything…that is what I have learned this week. It hit me like a ton of bricks on Monday. Out of the blue, it seemed to answer all the questions I had.

Over the weekend, I took a day trip to the beach. I needed to see ocean. I needed to hear ocean. I needed my soul to be quiet and when I arrived at the beach, I knew I had made the right decision when I heard a Jimmy Buffett tune trickling out of the near by pierhouse. I heard the sign and I knew all was right in the world.

I’m a sign person. I believe the Universe gives you small signs or even big signs that you’re doing what you’re suppose to do or suppose to be where you are. I’ll be the first to admit that in 2010, I probably didn’t see any sign the Universe was sending my way. My head was in the clouds of denial and not really believing that I was living my life without my mom and my heart was healing from her death.

Somewhere around December 2010, I fell back to the earth and to reality. I felt like a human again. I felt like the holes in my heart had patchwork over it and I could start living again. Maybe it started with my trip to NYC to see my first Rammstein show and the NY Rangers play at Madison Square Garden. Maybe it started with the first trip I took alone since I was 23. I don’t know when, but I was on the right path. I rang the New Year in with friends who were once strangers…just people who hang out at the same bar I hang out at…people who’s paths I’ve crossed due to work and other friends. Those strangers were now friends. Those friends brought in 2011 with a bang, a shot, and loads of laughter.  NYE 2010 was 3 days of pure fun.

A few weeks ago, I completed my tattoo tribute to my mom’s memory, her spirit, and her life. It has the lyrics “I will never forget. I will never regret. I will live my life closer to the edge” on it and I am trying to live to never forget, to live to never regret, and to live my life closer to the edge.  The week leading up to the final session, I dreamed of my mom every night. It was the first time I had her visit me in my dreams. I realized as I sat in the artist chair that the tattoo was my closure on her death. She was telling me it was okay and I realized it.

Since then, the signs that have come my way have let me know that I am doing just what I’m suppose to. I am right where I need to be right now. I listen to the Universe a little more carefully now. I pay attention to my surroundings a bit more. I listen to my friends with open minds. I look at strangers and wonder if they were sent into my life for a reason or if it’s just a ship passing in the night.

Most people think I’m in idiot for taking a risk this year by cashing out my 401K and doing my dream trip to Australia, but the signs that the Universe has thrown at me has let me know that I am absolutely making the right decision. From the moment I said my plans out loud at the Gin Mill, I met Geoffrey from Melbourne a few hours later on Australia Day no less, talking with Stranger to Friend Carlyn about her trip to Australia, talking to a stranger at the tattoo shop while getting the final touches on my tribute tattoo who use to live in Sydney and now lives in Charlotte (she’s getting a tattto from my artist soon), and just recently, talking to 2 friends who have been and getting a list of to-do’s while I’m there. Universe I hear you. I’m going.

Risk IS everything, but if you don’t ever try or risk anything, then failure is your only option. Failure is not an option on my goal list this year, but taking a risk is.