I don’t where or at what point my life shifted, but it did. Things that were once important weren’t any more. Things that weren’t important had become important. I stopped relying on others and started to rely on me. I didn’t look for validations in others any more, I only care about how I felt and what I saw when I looked in the mirror.
As I have said in previous posts, I spent 2010 in a daze, but as 2011 rolled around, I wanted to experience EVERYTHING I missed in 2010. I wanted to start living with no regrets. I wanted to live the life I know my mom would have been proud of. The life she had dreamed for me, the life she hoped for me. Not the shell of a person I had lived as in 2010.
So far, I think she’d be very proud of me right now. I am finally accomplishing a dream of going to Australia at the end of 2011. Something her and I talked about every year and my response was always, I can do it next year when… Well, it’s next year and this is the year. I’m doing it. When the sun rises on December 17 2011, I will be on a beach in Sydney, celebrating 2 things: the life of my mom and a dream coming true and when the sun sets that night, I know heaven’s brightest star, my mom, will be shining down me with a smile as big as her four foot nine frame.
Today, I felt my heart stop just as it had when my mom had passed away. Someone who I looked up to as mentor, a leader, and friend exited my career life. He will be missed greatly by me and as I sit here with tears of sadness for him leaving, I am reminded of how much he will always be around. In fact, I texted him to make him promise me he would be in my life forever. He said he would. It’s the only promise I will hold him accountable for.
Life doesn’t stop when something horrible happens or when someone you love leaves this earth. Life goes on. Even though the title of this post is called “Life is Waiting for You,” life does not wait and the life that you should be living will only wait so long for you.
I refuse to miss a moment of the life that is ahead of me…a moment of life that is waiting for me to live it.
I’m going to see The Kills in April, Rammstein and The Constellationsin May. Sure I could wait for them to come to or back to Charlotte, but I might as well be waiting to win the lottery too. I’m not going to regret not going to see 3 of my favorite artists.
I’m going to Key West in August. I’m getting in my car and driving the A1A and will love every moment of it. It’s something I want to do for a few years, this is the time to do it.
A few weeks ago, I got in my car and drove to the beach. I needed to see, feel, and smell the ocean. It was one of the best life decisions I had made. I ended up locking my keys in the trunk and had to spend $55 bucks to get them out. I could have been angry at myself and cursed myself for locking the keys in the trunk and spending money from doing something clueless, but I didn’t let it ruin a perfect day. I called my dad, we laughed about it and I waited in the spring sun for the locksmith. I know I was his happiest customer of the day. I had come down to rejuvenate my spirit and I wasn’t going to let the locked keys in the trunk ruin it.
Life may be waiting for you, but the time is now. Don’t wait to do the things you have always wanted to do. One day you won’t be able to do them anymore.
And the video for “Life” by Our Lady Peace
Categories: Exist Loudly