The Dumbing Down of Love

The Dumbing Down of Love: Day Twenty-One

The Dumbing Donw of Love
(720 Hours in a Relationship)

     “How many sexual partners are too many sexual partners?” Olivia asked as she stared at Dean in the chat window that was open on her computer. She watched as he furrowed his brow and then sighed.
     “I don’t know,” he answered, looking at her in the chat window that was open on his computer. “I think it depends on how long one has been sexually active. Are you and Gray talking about past partners?”
     Olivia nodded. “We went and got blood tests done yesterday,” she confessed. “We’ve decided that we only want to see each other.”
     Dean hoped she couldn’t read the surprise on his face. “Are you ready for that?”
     Shrugging her shoulders, Olivia propped her chin on her hand. “If I stop and think about it, I freak myself out, but in all honesty Dean, there’s no one I want to be with other than Gray right now. So yeah, I am definitely ready for that.”
     “How many ladies have had their share of Gray?”
     “Four,” Olivia answered.
     “As in four?” Dean asked holding up four fingers to the camera.
     “Yes, as in one more than three.”
     “That makes me feel like a male whore.”
     “Well you are,” Olivia replied with a smile. “He’s had full on sex with four and one oral sex candidate.”
     “That makes five dear.”
     “I know, but we made categories.”
     “And they were?”
     “Full on sex, just oral sex, same sex make outs, and that’s it.”
     Dean buried his head in his hands. “You guys are the strangest couple,” he said without looking up. “Really? This is what you discussed last night?”
     Olivia nodded.
     “And you couldn’t come up with anything better than full on sex? I think the correct term is penis vagina penetration.”
     “Penetration just makes it sound dirty,” Olivia sighed. “Full on sex didn’t.”
     “Did you guys even talk about anal sex as being in a category or does that even count as sex in your category?”
     “That’s considered full on sex.” Twirling at a strand of hair, Olivia sighed. “He’s only been with five people and that made me feel sleazy.”
     “Sweetie, you’re not in double digits yet. I don’t think anyway. Are you?”
     “I’m double him.”
     Sighing, Dean closed his eyes and started counting, “Let’s see, there was Andrew, David, the other David, Scott, Matthew, Daniel, Robert, Steve, and who were the other two.”
     “Davis and then Gray would be ten.”
     “But the other David and Scott don’t count because that was only oral so that’s technically in your and Gray’s category of full on sex with eight people if you count Gray.” Opening his eyes, Dean looked at his monitor. “When did you and Gray start having sex and why am I just finding out about this?”
     “It’s a private thing,” Olivia answered, “and I just didn’t feel that was important to share with the crew.”
     “Sex is very important in the natural progression of relationships. So what are the details? When? Where? Was it good? Dish it bitch.”
     Sighing, Olivia stared at Dean on her monitor. “This is all I’m giving you. It was the night of Simon’s opening and it was here.”
     “Is that why you left?” he interrupted.
     Olivia shook her head. “No. I didn’t think I was going to see him at all that night. You also get, it was possibly, no definitely the best sex of my life.”
     Dean pounded his fists on his desk. “The best sex of your life and you’re just now sharing this?” Sighing, he stared at Olivia, “I’m moving on to another best friend. Someone who will dish on the best sex of her life.”
     “I’ll share the full details when I’m ready to share the details,” she replied. “Until then, you’ll have to be satisfied with best sex I’ve ever had and I think that it was the best sex I ever had because it was with someone I fell for and not someone I thought I should be with or someone I thought I could be with. Gray was someone I wanted to share myself with and I think that made all the difference in the world in my sexual experience with him.”

# # #

     “I cannot believe you two had a normal discussion of previous sexual encounters and she didn’t get jealous,” Chris said, tossing a dart across the room. “She didn’t ask for details? Is she a normal female?”
     “Yes on the normal female and no she didn’t ask for details,” Gray answered as he reclined on the black leather couch that sat in the break room of their office. He tossed a tennis ball into the air and caught it. “We had a very adult and a very honest conversation.”
     “And no jealousy on your part?”
     “Actually no. I didn’t even have one thought of what was it like or am I better.” Tossing the tennis ball back in forth in his hands, Gray sighed. “I was shocked with myself.”
     “Do you mind me asking what the count was?” Chris asked walking across the room to the dartboard.
“Including me, ten.”
     “Is that a normal number for a chick?” he asked eyeing the dartboard and then launching a dart at it.
Gray shrugged his shoulders. “Ellie seemed to think so. She said it fell in her normalcy theory.”
     “She has a normal theory for sex partners?”
     “One partner a quarter since year of sexual activity. She said four a year or less was a magic number.”
     “Then we need, or at least I need to do some catching up if I’m following El’s theory.”
     “We all need to catch up if we were going by her theory.” Lying down on the couch, Gray stared at the ceiling. “Out of the guys she only had one regular booty call and three one night stands. How many women have you been with?”
     Chris shrugged his shoulders and threw another dart at the board. “Don’t know,” he answered. “More than I should have been with but none that I regret. Well, except for the one that gave me crabs. That was kind of crazy.”
     “Who gave you crabs?” Gray asked looking over at him.
     “Red head,” he answered. “I don’t remember he name. Me, you, and Ellie were at some bar and I picked up. We were each others go to person and then I found out she gave me crabs.”
     “You sure it wasn’t the other way around?”
     Nodding, Chris threw another dart. “I may be a male whore, but I’m a safe one and I get tested on a regular basis. My shit is clean. Well, maybe not my shit, but I’m clean.”
     Gray laughed out loud. Despite being mad at him a few days ago, he was glad to have Chris back as a friend he could talk to. They were best friends and the brother that neither of them had. “So what’s up with you and Heather?”
     “She’s smoking hot,” Chris said, retrieving darts from the dartboard, “and she holds her own when it comes to booze. I’m in love.”
     Throwing the tennis ball at him and nailing him in the arm, Gray said, “Seriously.”
     “Serious as a heart attack. I dig her and she calls bullshit on me. That’s even hotter. I know you may never let me speak to Olivia again, but please tell her two things for me.”
     “And those would be?”
     “First, I’m sorry and I was very wrong about her. Second, she was right about Heather and I being a good match.”
     Gray nodded. It was the first time Chris had acknowledged that anything had happened between him and Olivia. “Neither of you are ever going to tell me what was said between you two are you?”
     Chris shook his head and threw a dart at the board. “Not without her in the room I’m not. But I’ll admit I had pegged her wrong. Olivia’s good for you. She’s good for Ellie and for me. You’re not allowed to ever break up with her.”
     “I don’t plan on doing that anytime soon,” Gray admitted.
     “How about never?”
     Smiling, Gray replied, “That works for me too.”

# # #

     “How was your day?” Olivia asked as Gray curled up beside of her on the bed.
     “Better now,” he answered, pulling her into his arms and kissing the top of her head. “Yours?”
     “Minus the hour and half I spent iChatting with Dean, very productive and I think I got the web design job for Kyle’s business.”
     Propping himself up on his arm, Gray smiled at Olivia. “That’s huge. When do you find out for sure?”
     “Within the next few days,” she answered, pushing her hand through his hair. “Kyle called and said they were all raving about the ideas I had and that it was the only thing they were talking about for the rest of the day. He said it was the first time the big wigs were happy.”
     Gray leaned forward and kissed Olivia. “I’m so proud of you. You’re going to get the job and totally wow them even more than you already have.”
     “It’s going to be great,” she said, wrapping her arms around him. “I really want this job. It will take me to another level and open so many more doors for me.”
     “You’ll get the job and next week we’ll celebrate, but for now let’s celebrate us.”
     Gray nodded. “I stopped by the doctor’s on my way over here and picked up our test results.”
     “I thought they weren’t going to be in today?”
     “They weren’t, but I begged and pleaded with him so he ran the tests himself.”
     Sitting up, Olivia took a deep breath. “You didn’t have to. I could have waited. We could have waited.”
     Gray sat up and looked at her. “I know we could have, but my over active imagination couldn’t take it. I have already gone through every cancer treatment, rare disease treatment, written out my will, and named who should be in charge of my estate so many times that I can’t take it anymore.”
     “Yeah, finding out you have acne rosacea could be devastating.”
     “Are you mocking me?”
     Olivia nodded with a grin.
     “And what is acne rosacea.”
     “The first rare disease I could pronounce on the rare disease website I googled rare disease. That was of course after I googled Ebola.”
     “So how do you want to do this?” Gray asked.
     Olivia thought a moment and then answered, “How about I open yours and you open mine? I’ll open yours first so you can stop worrying about insert random disease of your choice.”
     “Deal. I’ll be right back.”
     She watched as Gray hopped off the bed and disappeared into his living room. When he was out of sight, she quickly went to her overnight bag, pulled out a book, and hid it underneath the pillows. She sat back down on the bed and waited for him to return. “What’s taking you so long?”
     “I got us a bottle of wine,” he answered, walking into the room with the wine, two glasses, and two envelopes. “Just in case. By the way, Chris said thank you.”
     Reaching out, Olivia took the two glasses from him and put them on his nightstand as he put the bottle down on it as well. “Good call. Thank you for what?”
     “For introducing him to Heather. They apparently have hit it off.”
     “I knew the would. Will these be easy to read?”
     Sitting down in front of her, Gray held out the envelope with his test results on it. “I’m not sure, but I hope they read as easy as report card.”
     Taking the envelope, she eyed him. “Have you seen a current report card? I have a better chance of understanding stereo instructions in a foreign language.”
     “Well, hopefully these will be in English and not full of medical jargon.”
     “Are you ready?” she asked, looking at him. When he nodded, she tore one end of the envelope open and pulled out the letter inside. Unfolding it, she held it between both hands as she read it. Taking a deep breath, she looked at Gray.
     “What is it?” he asked, feeling a knot tighten in his stomach.
     “I’m afraid you have stage two Ebola,” she said as a smile crackled across her face.
     “Give me that,” Gray replied as his hand jerked out towards his letter.
     “No way,” Olivia replied, quickly moving to her feet and jumping on the bed. Still holding the letter in her hands, she began to bounce on the bed. “It says so right here,” she said as she laughed. “Dear Mr. Smith, we are sorry to inform you of your soon demise. Please get yourself to a bio level four safe house as soon as possible. You are highly contagious and might as well have cooties.”
     Gray grabbed at Olivia’s knees and threw her onto the bed. “You are so in for it,” he said, straddling her waist and pinning her to the bed.
     Freeing her hands, Olivia raised her arm between the two of them. “Circle, circle, dot, dot, now I have my cootie shot,” she laughed and then put her hands on Gray’s shirt and pulled him down to her. “I have a present for you.”
     “Uh, huh,” he said and kissed her. “What? A one way ticket to an Ebola infested monkey facility?”
     Olivia laughed out loud. “It’s under the pillow,” she said as she started to reach for it.
     “Oh no missy,” Gray said, pulling her hand away from the pillow. “I’ll do that.” Reaching under the pillow, he found the book she had hid earlier and pulled it out. Looking at the cover, he sat up with a smile. “A survival guide for Ebola,” he said, peering at her over the cover. “Where in the hell did you find this?”
     “I have mad skills,” Olivia answered. “I figured you might need to hone up on your survival skills so I made it for you.”
     Moving to sit next to her, Gray thumbed through the book and then looked at her. “You seriously made this?”
     “I’m crafty bitch,” she answered, scooting next to him. “I don’t make books for just anyone.”
     “Just boyfriends?”
     Olivia nodded. “Boyfriends who have Ebola and cooties.”
     Gray laughed, socked her unsuspectingly with a pillow, but was too slow to move away from her retaliation. She knocked him backwards onto the bed where they spent the next thirty minutes pillow fighting and wrestling before collapsing into each others arms from exhaustion and relief that they were both now committed to each other. They didn’t need the wine to celebrate. They just needed to hold onto each other as they slipped into sleep.

This page copyright © 2009 Shelia Taylor
All rights reserved | This is a rough draft and not the final version