Exist Loudly

Trying to Reason with the Hurricane Season

There’s always something we’re trying to reason with: family, friends, lovers, kids, pets, coworkers, etc.

Those are all the outward things we try to reason with.

What about the inward things.

Thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc.

What about that battle one faces every day with the image staring back at them in the mirror.

How do you reason with yourself?

Lately, I’ve been in a mood. A mood I can’t fully explain in words and the words I want to use to explain it, doesn’t nearly come close to covering it.

If I had to describe my mood: annoyed, zero patience, with a side of fuck off to the world and a splash of I-don’t-care-cover-my-ears-singing-la-la-la.

Maybe it’s the full moon on August 10th that is the source of the current mood I’m in. Maybe it’s the fact that I can’t remember when the last time I had a vacation where I turned off my phone and disconnected from everyone other than the humans who cross my physical path. Maybe it’s my on going battle against the darkness of my own mind.

Maybe it’s a trifecta of all the above.

I know the news that one of my uncles being diagnosed with cancer and that my grandmother might not have that much longer to live didn’t help. I also know the sinus problem I have combined with a broken tooth I’ve ignored for too long wasn’t the icing on the cake of life either. Sprinkle on those moments at home when the dog just puked all over his clean bed, that conversation you had with a friend that made you think, “why am I friends with you again?”, and at work where you feel like a newbie all over again.

Life’s small ripples combining into what feels like a giant wave crashing down onto your soul.

I reasoned with it all by forcing myself to sit, breathe, and meditate.I reasoned with it all by letting the tears flow on a run, tears that flowed for no reason known to my mind, but much needed for my soul. I reasoned with it all by channeling “Crazy Little Thai Woman” and pushing that godforsaken red mower she loved across the backyard in the blazing heat while her soul shined down on me with a smile. I reasoned with it by saving a bird stuck in a garage and picking up recycles that had fallen out of neighbors bin. I reasoned with it by talking to friends who made me laugh and to friends who understood the effects of the moon on Scorpios. I reasoned with it by getting lost in the fantasy of Dominion, the horror of The Strain, the comedy of You’re the Worse, and the provoking thoughts of Ancient Aliens.

I forced myself to see that the in less than two weeks I’ll be standing in Key West, watching the sunset at Mallory Square and resetting my soul. Completely free of modern technology that will be locked away.

And I realize that Jimmy is right…

“…I was feeling tired, then I got inspired…And now I must confess, I could use some rest. I can’t run at this pace very long. Yes, it’s quite insane, I think it hurts my brain…”

Mishka covering Jimmy Buffett’s “Trying to Reason with the Hurricane Season”