Exist Loudly

Sunday Reflections

So I had a craptastic week at work last week and if I’m honest, it was pretty much a craptastic work month. It was overwhelming to the point that I broke down in tears. Honest to goodness tears of overwhelming, I’m drowning, I don’t know what to do and could use some help frustration. Some could go talk to someone, but unfortunately, I don’t have anyone to go to, so it’s bottled inside and for the month of February, I was in a pretty crappy, snarky, mean, withdrawn, I hate everyone and everything mood. That’s not me. Combined with that overwhelming feeling and not being my normal positive loving energy persona I have felt on the brink of tears and insanity and have seriously thought about stepping into oncoming traffic.

THAT SUCKS GIANT DONKEY  BALLS.

When I read this quote, I thought: NAILED IT!  ———->

That’s not me!! I take pride in my work. I always have. I bust my ass to be the best I can be at work. Jimmy Buffett has a song called “It’s My Job” and I’ve always connected to:

“It’s my job to be better than the rest and that makes the day for me…It’s a job but without it I’d be less than what I expect from me…It’s my job to be different than the rest and that’s enough reason to go for me. It’s my job to be better than the best and that’s a tough break for me. It’s my job to be cleaning up this mess and that’s enough reason to go for me. It’s my job to be better than the best and that makes the day for me.”

I enjoy marketing and promotions. There will be ups and downs, but February was all down and I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t enjoy it all. I, in fact, hated it, dreaded it, and would have rather sat in goal with no protective gear on trying to block Shea Weber and Zdeno Chara shots.

But I woke up today in a new month and the words of Nina Simone filled my head: “It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day and I’m feeling good.”

The month of February I was not living from the choice of what I wanted to do. I was living in the choice of what I should do to get through the shit I had on my list…aka sleep walking through the monotonous motions of a life I was not choosing to live but a life I was letting choose me.

Bad choice. Such a bad choice. Hindsight, I see it now.

No more energy in living a life that chooses me.

I do not choose and will not let life choose:
– to allow the energies of others to effect my mood, my mind, my inner peace, my personality
– to allow the actions of others to effect my mood, my mind, my inner peace, my personality
– to allow work affect my mood, my mind, my inner peace, my personality
– to allow others affect my mood, my mind, my inner peace, my personality

I choose from this moment forward, today and everyday, inner peace, mindfulness, health, to be inspiring, to spread positive Universal light, love, and magic.

Sending Universal light, love, and magic to you all.

Categories: Exist Loudly

Tagged as: , , , ,