RANT: 5 Ways to Get Punched in the Dick

So there was this article written on Modern Man called “How to Flirt with a Woman Who’s Wearing Headphones” and a great response piece called “How to Flirt with a Woman Wearing Headphones? (Hint: Don’t)” and after a particular week of male chauvinistic dude-bros I felt I needed to vent a little.

First and foremost, not all men are giant douche nozzles. I know many guys who are polite, courtesy, and kind gentlemen that respect women. But there are dude-bros out there and unfortunately, they are often the reason the “men suck” mantra just covers all men.

Apologies to the good guys and that you have to be clumped into that category especially when you haven’t done anything wrong and give women support and respect.

So here’s 5 reasons, you should get punched in the dick.

  1. Don’t bother me when it is so fucking obvious I don’t want to be bothered. I wear my headphones in public for a reason. I do not have the energy to be social. I want to be left alone. Yep, sometimes, there’s not even music playing. If I’m nose deep in a book, guess what, still don’t want to talk to you or anyone else for that matter. I don’t want to deal with people. If I wanted to deal with people, I’d be open and facing the world.
  2. I play Words with Friends. An innocent game app where I can be nerdy and spell words. Spelling. That’s all I want to do and beat my last high score. DO NOT TRY AND FLIRT WITH ME. It’s not a dating app. I’m not going to send you pictures and I sure as hell don’t want to see your dick. I DO NOT CARE care if you think I’m the most beautiful thing (which I’m a fucking person not a thing) you have ever seen. If there’s not conversation for the love of Moses don’t ask, do you want to know anything about me? Did I ask? I think I’m just going to start replying with does the lady in your life know you’re being a giant tool bag? Do you want someone talking to your daughter this way? This week alone, I received the following messages: “Wanna see my dick? How big are your tits?” “Can’t sleep, nothing but skin flicks on. You in?” “I’m horny and gonna go masterbate to your photo now.” “You’re cute. Hello. Hello. You’re cute. Bitch, fuck you.” Dudes that makes most women cringe and run. For me, it’s an instant block. (I also now don’t respond to anyone anymore.)
  3. Cat calling – guess what guys, I’m not a dog or a piece of meat. Don’t yell what you think are compliments at me from across the street so you can play the I have a bigger dick than you do with your fucking dude-bros. P!nk sang it best, “you know who you are, high fivin, talking shit, but you’re going home alone aren’t ya? Cause I’m not here for your entertainment.”
  4. You slip someone a roofie. I have been roofied twice. TWICE. What’s even worse is that I knew these people. I worked with them in some form or fashion. When is rape cool? NEVER. No means NO guys. It makes me so angry to know that there are guys out there that got off scot-free for their actions. I hope when karma comes around to you that it’s the angriest woman on the planet and she’s got a 12inch dildo strapped on so you know what the fuck it felt like when you took away someone’s life by rape. 
  5. If I don’t know you or unless I just got hit by a bus, do not fucking touch me. There’s only one reaction most women will have and that is fight and flight. I will fight myself away from you and then run. Maybe you were just trying to give me $5 bucks that I dropped, but don’t grab my arm. Say excuse me or hey lady you dropped $5. Your kindness to give me my $5 will cause your family jewels to meet one of my knees and that’s because all the other dude-bros ruined it.

That’s my angry fuck you dude-bros rant. I’m grateful for the guys who I know that are gentlemen. You make the world a better place and I know your future daughters will be loved and protected and that your future sons will be raised to show respect. Thank you. Thank you for not being a dude-bro.

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