Exist Loudly

An Ode to Cameron Crowe

“How you spend this little dance with destiny, that’s up to you
but when you find your band, you find your band…”

I’ve been searching for the right words to express exactly how I am feeling right now and I can’t. There’s this lump in my throat that I will let the music down. And I’ve already let it down. I am sorry for that. I lost my way. Just like the crew in ROADIES who felt lost, I too, felt lost. But thanks to that 10 episode show, I believe I’ve found my path again.

I hope this post doesn’t let music down like I already have let it down.

I wasn’t quite sure how to start this post. I am overwhelmed with feelings that the show has awakened in me. Maybe awakened isn’t the right word. Reminded? Found? I don’t know.

All I do know is that there are artists in one’s life that can move, protect, inspire, and motivate people. Artists that light a spark, reignite the flame, or make that flame burn brighter. Cameron Crowe is one of those artists for me. His movie, SAY ANYTHING, is my favorite movie. Number one spot. I have Lloyd’s words, “dare to be” tattooed on my arm. Cameron’s creativity inspires and has a place in my soul like no other. Then there is ALMOST FAMOUS. All people may love that movie, but I’m afraid to tell you all, that if you don’t love music, you don’t really understand that movie. That movie is a love song to the music and artists that save us, that breathe life into us, and comforts us.

Bob Marley once said, “once the music hits you, you feel no pain.” God, he was right. He was so right. Music is a healer. A connection to your soul within and to whatever higher being you may believe around you. Music can help you connect. “Get connected with where you started,” as Wes said to his sister Kelly Ann. That’s what music is and does. It’s what it does for me.

I never understand people who say, “I don’t listen to music.” People who hear no music, are the saddest ones. In my opinion anyway. I have been beyond blessed to be surrounded by people who love and appreciate music. Who are the creators of music. And I have been beyond blessed to also be surrounded by the unsung heroes of music. Yes, the music industry is tough and will crush the souls of many, but I’ve seen the kind of bond and love and support it has for its community, for its brotherhood, for its family.

If I had watched ROADIES any other time in my life, I don’t think I would have felt what I am feeling right now. It’s like the Universe knew I needed to be gently kicked in the face with a reminder of how much I love music, how much it means to me, how much I need it, and how much it keeps me sane.

Dear Cameron Crowe,
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for reminding me how much music is and always will be my best friend, my only true friend. As Ville Vallo of H.I.M. said, “music is my God, my best friend.” You have reminded me of my connection to music. Why I listen and love and support that world. You reminded me why I am still living and breathing in this world. You reminded me of what inspires me. Who inspires me and what I hope to inspire in others. You reminded me of the Phils in my life. The behind the scenes heroes of music that motivated me, inspired me, and helped me join that crazy fucking world of the music industry. You reminded me of my Reg feelings that I felt when I stepped into that world. You reminded me of how that misfit fucked up world of rock-n-roll accepts and is accepting of a person who wants to be there for the love and soul of music. In my current stage of “non music career life”, I am feeling very Reg again. Will I or won’t I say the right thing at the wrong time or the wrong thing at the right time. Also, like Kelly Ann’s emotional honesty hidden behind fears that no one notices, appreciates, or cares about her, I too feel that way and though I may be honest with my words to most, I still hid behind those fears. Your 10 hour tale of music and love, healed wounds and broken parts of me. Gave me closure on things I didn’t know I needed closure on. Awakened sleeping angels and demons that fought side by side with me through my many battles, that inspired my writing, and sparked my creativity. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of this music loving soul’s heart for hitting me with the music, because of you and music, I no longer feel any pain…