Exist Loudly

A Lesson in Irritation

Well, the first 9 days of February have been an external internal battle.

Internal battle of not letting external affect my mental space and an internal battle of why I am suddenly letting the external affect my internal peace.

I haven’t been feeling physically 100%. I’m on the tail end of a cold and can’t shake the cough and sinus drainage. Sexy. I know. I haven’t let it stop me from training but I have given my body a yoga reprieve because no one wants to be in savasana with someone who is coughing. This cough started on the 1st and while the cold itself has gone away, the damn cough lingers like the smell of putrid garbage.

I realized midweek that I was irritated.

And it wasn’t because of the full moon that was forthcoming. While today’s full moon does affect me, this wasn’t the same. I thought it could have been from not feeling 100% but that was a physical irritation.

I was mentally irritated. Mentally fucking irritated. I was tired of coddling, tired of hand holding, tired of people, tired of attitudes, tired of making things easier. I was irritated with the lack of effort and lack of ethic.

Usually, once I acknowledge what is irritating me and why it’s irritating me, I can move one, but this week, I just held on to the irritation. To the aggravation. To the anger.

Meditation didn’t help.
Yoga didn’t help.
Lifting heavy shit didn’t help.

I had latched onto this irritation and couldn’t shake it, just like my cough.

I asked myself why it was so important to hold on, but I didn’t even have an answer.
My soul didn’t know. My mind couldn’t give an answer and my heart just wanted peace.

And then I suppose, it all just fell into place.

My lesson from the irritation was this: You are irritated because you are growing mentally, physically, spiritually and you don’t understand why others don’t want to grow too. You are irritated because they limit themselves, conform or settle for mediocre.

And just like that, the irritation was gone.

I’m evolving as a human.

Not everyone or everything chooses to evolve.

Those that do, I find myself drawn to.
Those that don’t, I find myself irritated by.
Both are okay.

There’s a great quote, that says, “Stay close to people who feel like sunshine.

That’s my lesson in irritation. Stay close to the sunshine people who want to evolve.


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