Exist Loudly

Being a Woman is Hard, Being a Trans Woman is Harder

As I was walking home a couple of weeks ago from work, I passed a group of kids. They were non threatening, lost in doing their own thing which was filming each other doing skating tricks and being goofy teenage boys.

But nonetheless, my female instincts kicked in. Was there anyone else around that could save me if attacked? Was there safety to run to? What were my available safety options in case of running? Did I have something I could use as a weapon if needed?

I’m half Asian and half “white”, and I put “white” in quotes because my dad’s side of the family isn’t white as snow. His line of the family is a mixed bag. I’m also a straight cisgender woman. (For those that don’t understand, that means I’m a straight woman and I identify with the gender marker on my birth certificate.)

I have lived a life filled with comments on my gender, Asian hate, racism, and bigotry.

I can’t say I’ve lived a privileged life, but I can say my life has been filled with a great privilege of having loving parents who raised me to do what’s right no matter anyone’s skin colour, gender identity, or sexual orientation. They raised me to take no shit from anyone and to a strong woman with compassion and empathy..

But being a daughter, their daughter, they also armed me with knowledge in how to protect myself.

Don’t walk home alone at night. Keep your car doors, home, windows locked. Walk on the other side of the street if a man is walking the same way. Know your surroundings. Use your keys as weapon. Use your forehead if you have to head butt someone. Pivot with the punch. Claw, kick, scream and do not give up.

As I passed by the group of kids with my instincts in automatic flight or fight mode, I began to wonder who taught trans women how to protect themselves? Who might point out to them the subtle signs of danger? Who told them to pretend to be on the phone with someone, to stop and stare in shop windows or go into a business in case you felt you were being followed?

And then the realisation set in and my heart and chest started to ache, trans women, trans men, and all of the LBGTQIA+ community were probably always in automatic flight or fight mode. More often than not, they weren’t taught how to protect themselves by a loved one. They learned how to protect themselves from a loved one.

While I was given help to survive, they had to learn to survive on their own.

My ache turned into tears.

Maybe I was a privileged woman after all, but not in how some perceive the privilege woman definition. Not only was I given help to survive, I identify with the sex on my birth certificate. I don’t have to prove being a female to anyone. I can walk into the gender marked bathroom without fear and I can go into a dressing room without repercussions.

My tears turned into anger.

There is no fucking privilege of being a woman.

We are considered the weaker sex. We are thought of as over reacting and over emotional. We are judged if we have children. We are judged if we don’t. We are criticised for being career focused and criticised for wanting to be a stay at home wife or mom. We are name called, slut shamed, heckled, cat called, spoken to, and spoken at. We are treated as property, personal belongings, and trophies. We’re too fat, too thin, too skinny, and too muscular. We’re too much of a woman or not woman enough. In some countries, our bodies don’t belong to us. Our uteruses are considered government property to be used as a pawn in the political gains by old rich men and rich women. Our periods are dirty. Our nipples to taboo. Our bodies too sexual. Our clothes not enough or too much. Our hair a weapon in rebellion. Our mere presence is a blemish on society. Our voices too loud and must be silenced.

Trans women has to deal with what all women deal with, but they also have to endure a level of hate that most straight cisgender women will never understand.

Hate from men who can’t fathom the idea of becoming a woman, of becoming the weaker sex? Hate from men who love their own dicks so much it runs their fucking brains and they can’t fathom the idea of losing their precious dicky to become a woman. Hate from men who fear they may fall in love with a trans woman and be perceived as gay. Hate from women who say you’re not a woman unless you can carry a child but think nothing of a cisgender women who can’t carry a child on their own. Hate from women who fear a trans woman might still their man. Hate from women who hate the idea that a “man” can become a woman.

Trans women not only have to deal with the bullshit that 99% of all women go through, they have an additional 99% of bullshit to suffer through because grown ass men and women who don’t understand humans, humankind, humanity, science throw their hate, bigotry, and fear towards them.

Don’t you dare think for one goddamn moment, that being a trans woman is a walk in the park.

Being a woman is hard. Being a trans woman is harder.

Support your local trans sisters, trans brothers and the LGBTQIA+ community.

Stand up for them.

Amplify their voices.

Raise their frequencies.

Stop discriminating. Start helping.

Australia – https://www.lgbtiqhealth.org.au :: United States – https://healthlgbtq.org

Don’t be an asshat. Be a kind human.

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