Not a lot of diversity artist wise for May. A lot of Sylvan Esso, Matthew Ryan, Depeche Mode and a few new artists thanks to the ultimate mindfuck that is the world of David Lynch’s Twin Peaks. May was up and down for me. A full moon and new moon bookending the month fucked with me plus the normal mental battle I have just drained me. I suppose if I had one word that would sum up May it would be: exhausting. It’s coming to a close and I’m glad for it. Here are the songs that got me through it. You can listen/watch below or click HERE.

“Die Young” by Sylvan Esso
I was working in my WIP (work in progress also known as writing my novel) and this song came on. It is a perfect song for my main character. It’s also a perfect song for me. “I don’t mind. I got the fire. Electric light. So high, so wild. It’s not like I chose. Not like I tried. But now I gotta wait around and watch you burn so bright. I was gonna die. I had it all planned out before you met me. I had a plan, you ruined it completely…I was gonna die young…”

“Pokerface” by Lady Gaga
I was shopping with my dad and this song was playing on the overhead. I still freaking love this song.

“I Can’t Steal You” by Matthew Ryan
On a beautiful autumn morning this song started playing in my earbuds. It fit perfectly with the weather and the morning. These lyrics: “I’m in love with the red sky. I’m in love with the tragedy. we betray what we can’t deny. cause I believe she needs me…hold me close, I can’t feel you. you’ll have to trust me I can’t steal you…” While searching for the song on YouTube, I found a wonderful version of Matthew singing the song with Brian Fallon of The Gaslight Anthem. That version is what you’ll be watching/seeing below.

“Uncatena” by Sylvan Esso
One of my favorite Sylvan Esso songs and I love the feelings in these lyrics: “…All I want from you is a letter and to be your distant lover, that is all I can offer at this time…”

“Chrome” by Matthew Ryan
Freaking love the lyrics to this song. You can’t hear it and not feel. “…Well in case you didn’t know I’ve got a heart made of chrome. It’s been bent till it was twisted and in case you didn’t know I’ve got a heart made of chrome. It’s been burned but it’s still willing to try and shine…”

“The Darkest Star” by Depeche Mode
Unless you are giant fucking douche nozzle, I don’t think people should change their personality or who they are for others. Granted if you are giant fucking douche nozzle there is a 99.99% chance I’ve weeded you from the garden of my life anyway, but these lyrics sum up the feelings I have as I see friends I love changing who they are to fit in with friends and relationships or they expect others to change and fit what they think they should be. If you are in my life, I don’t want you to change. I want you in my life in all your messy glory. I will travel along life with you just the way you are. “…I don’t want you to change anything you do. I don’t want you to be someone else for me. Stay as you are the Darkest Star. Shining for me. Majestically…” 

“When I Met You” by David Bowie
You want to talk about trying not to tear up in the middle of a crowded afternoon train. This song. It hit all the buttons that moment. ALL. THE. BUTTONS. These lyrics: “When I met you (you’re feeling depressed). I could not speak (you’re drowning in pain). You opened my mouth (you’re walking in midst). You opened my heart (you’re leaving again)…You were afraid (when I met you). She stole your heart (when I met you). You don’t understand (when I met you)…You actually become the center of my world. The seams of my life. The streams of daydream…Then I met you. My spirit grows (you’re feeling again). My kind of truth (you’re drowning in pain). Could not exist (you are afraid)…I was crushed inside (when I met you). I was torn inside. When I met you. When I met you. I was too insane. Could not trust a thing…Before I met you…”

“Tourniquet” by Marilyn Manson
There’s probably not a lot of iTunes files that will go from Bowie to Manson but this song came on and it was a perfect mesh between the two. These lyrics: “…Take your hatred out on me. Make your victim my head. You never ever believed in me. I am your tourniquet. Take your, take your. Get up out of me. I’m not proud with me. I never ever believed in me…”

“It’s No Good” by Depeche Mode
I can’t remember the moment, the feeling, or why I added this song to the playlist for may. But it’s here and I’ve always dug this song. “Don’t say you want me. Don’t say you need me. Don’t say you love me. It’s understood…”

“Molly (16 Candles Down the Drain)” by Sponge
So many great memories from this song and when it comes on I always regress back to those great moments. Listening to the song, it’s not a happy song. A confession of love and a rejection of love but I’ve always loved this song. “… find your note, the letters ran. It said I love you. Yeah I love you. Don’t ask why, don’t ask why…And on your note is my reply. I wish I loved you.  wish I loved you. Don’t ask why, don’t ask why…”

“Maybe I’ll Disappear” by Matthew Ryan
Matthew release a new album this month called “Hustle Up Starliings” and boy, is it a beautiful album from start to finish. I feel like he jumped into my diary, my head, and my heart and just wrote songs I was feeling. “Maybe I’ll Disappear” has been my favorite this month. It really sums up how I felt this month. Lost. Sick and tired. Alone. “…I’m sick & tired Of feeling alone…Maybe I’ll just disappear. There’s nothing left to keep me here…”

“Shadow” by Chromatics
This was on Twin Peaks Season 3 and was perfectly placed at the closing of the episode. I kind of fell in love with that surreal feeling of the lead singer’s voice. I might not rush out and buy everything they have put out, but this is now a permanent addition to my music collection. “…Shadow take me down with you…And now you’re just a stranger’s dream. I took your picture from the frame. And now you’re nothing like you seem. Your shadow fell like last night’s rain…”

“Mississippi” by The Cactus Blossoms
Also from Twin Peaks Season 3 and this band is so reminiscent of The Everly Brothers that I instantly fell for their sound. Hook. Line. Sinker.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=videoseries?list=PL801EdtjRumkl2ac3pKchLckt_pKwYWso?ecver=1]