October was a weird month. I faced fears, but mostly, I felt like I spent most of the month being more conscious of me and what I want and who I am. I have enjoyed the travel into becoming a being that is consciously aware.

“When That Fever Takes a Hold On You” by The Wind + The Wave

I was fortunate to see this duo open for Stereophonics and this song stuck with me. “Ain’t gonna worry about it, no no, you know I left my troubles all behind, you know baby I’m down for anything, you don’t have to ask me twice.”

“No Matter What” by Papa Roach

I have a soft spot in my heart for Papa Roach. They just write some catchy & infectious tunes and this is one of them. This song just made me feel less alone in the Universe. “No matter what, I got your back. I’ll take a bullet for you if it comes to that…And we will make it out alive…”

“Mercy Street” by Peter Gabriel

I just love this song by Peter and it resonated with me this month as wrote in The Night of the Hunter. “…all she can see there in the midst of it so alive and alone, words support like bone…pulling out the papers from the drawers that slide smooth tugging at the darkness, word upon word…confessing all the secret things in the warm velvet box…mercy, mercy, looking for mercy…”

“Self Control” by Scissor Sisters

A reminder to me to actually let go of self control.

“Forever” by Haim

This is just a catchy song and I love the lyric “I’m tired of fighting the good fight.
If you say the word then I’ll say goodbye.”

“Tonight You’re Perfect” by New Politics

Lyrically when I heard this song, it was what connected me to it. It was questions, I have asked my Mom and as I stood in the crowd listening to the band perform it, they were questions I once again asked her answers for. “Should I believe in the world momma? Should I give up and hide or should I stay and fight? Should I believe in the rules momma? Tell me if I should run or learn to shoot a gun? I don’t know what to believe momma? Yeah I’m down on my knees, I’m begging please. Help me back on my feet momma. ‘Cause I need someone to believe believe believe in…You won’t believe what I’ve seen momma. There’s a fire inside. There’s a storm on the rise. It’s in the air that we breathe momma. Can I speak out my mind in these changing times?
Give me a reason to be momma. Cause I’m down on my knees I’m begging please. Help me back on my feet momma. Cause I need someone to believe believe believe in…”

“Birdgirl” by Stokeswood

This is one infectious song and when it popped up on my iPod, it brightened my day. “Outside the world is only lonely…I open up but it only shows me why do I try? When I should…Spin, Spin. Where I end you begin, but it won’t matter much if we keep on turning. Higher, Higher. Let our dance feed the fire. It never takes this long, but baby that’s the sun coming up…”

“Tired Wings” by The Four Horsemen

This song came on while I was writing “One Word After Another” and I thought how apropos since I am very tired of working on The Night of the Hunter and finally committed myself to finishing this novel after many, many years of trying to get it written. “I’m doing the best I can. Now I’m looking for something…Won’t take “no” for an answer…”

“Sure Shot” by Beastie Boys

This song sort of sums up me becoming a conscious being and taking notice of the consciousness of others. I have stepped back and looked at what I was and have destroyed and uncreated anything that has held me back so I can move forward being fully aware. “Cause you can’t, you won’t and you don’t stop…I’ve got a hole in my head and there’s no one to fix it. Got to straighten my thoughts, I’m thinking too much sick shit. Everyone just takes and takes, takes, takes, takes. I’ve got to step back, I’ve got to contemplate…”

“Honesty” by Editors

I am still listening to this album on a daily basis and I love the question this lyric asks: “Does the honesty deceive?”

“Attack” by 30 Seconds to Mars

This song came on the radio and it was just the motivation for me to purge all the thoughts in my head. “I won’t suffer, be broken, get tired, or wasted. Surrender to nothing, or give up…A new day is coming, and I am finally free…”

“Day Dreamer” by Donavon Frankenreiter

As I become more aware of myself, I’ve become less aware of what others think and judge me for and the lyrics to this song express that. “I don’t care what they see, don’t really bother me. I don’t care what they say, there’s got to be another way…If you want to dream, dream. Its okay, you can dream all through the day. I said dream, dream. It’s all right, you can dream all through the night. Keep on moving, if you got to go. Just as long as you stay with the flow. Be somewhere you want to be. Keep on grooving because that’s the key…”

“Messages” by Xavier Rudd

Messages from the Universe…this song was one of them. Letting me know that the way I think, feel, process, and am aware is just fine. No one has to understand it. It just works for me. “Let me see through your eyes where there is so much light…Look to your soul for the things that you know…You know some people they just won’t understand…Thank you for your message but I don’t understand…So speak out loud of the things you are proud…’Cause the roads that you take may just crack and break with the changes you will confront. With each gift that you share, you may heal and repair. With each choice you make, you may help someone’s day. Well I know you are strong. May your journey be long and now I wish you the best of luck…”

“Lose Yourself” by Eminem

This song helped me face the fear of running my half marathon. “You better lose yourself in the music, the moment. You own it, you better never let it go. You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo. You can do anything you set your mind to, man.”

“Problem” by Natalia Kills

I love this song. It’s sexy and dirty. “I’m your dream girl…But you know what they say about me…
That girl is a problem…that girl is a god damn problem…‘Cause theres no salvation for a bad girl…We’re hell raising
and we don’t need saving…”

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