Theme for September…fuck if I know.
FUCK.
IF.
I.
KNOW.
I feel like this month’s list is like a 3 year old on a sugar high who also happens to have attention deficit disorder and has to pee at the same time but sees his dog chasing a his tail. There was no depression. No anxiety. A lot of moments of “meh”, a few moments of “I no longer give a flying fuck,” and realizations I knew the signs, signals, realities all along and finally had the balls to face them. There was also moments of “nothing” … nothing felt, nothing cared, nothing. Maybe that’s the my theme: I am Atreyu fighting my own version of The Nothing in THE NEVERENDING STORY
Videos below are click HERE 

“Law (Earthlings on Fire) by David Bowie
This might be my favorite song from this album but it was also the first song I heard on Sept 1st and I thought how apropos were these lyrics: “Oh I get a little bit afraid sometimes. I don’t want knowledge. I want certainty.”

“Radio” by Sylvan Esso
New single. That’s all you need to know. Listen and fall in love this band now. FALL IN LOVE NOW. (That’s an order.) It is in-fucking-fectious. INFECTIOUS.

“Never” by Saving Abel
I have a heavy rock mix called “Fuck Off” and this song is on it and the list itself is a go to when I have that me against the world feeling. While listening to this song, these lyrics just hit me. “Do you believe in fate? Better late than never never. Nothing ever lasts forever. Nothing ever stays the same. Nothing really ever changes…”

“Into Temptation” by Crowded House
This song came courtesy of Nick. We were discussing albums that made differences in our lives and for him “Temple of Low Men” was one of his. Again being from US, we were only given glimpses of who Crowded House was but that album is beautiful and this song became my favorite.

“The Ghosts of California” by Fort Frances
I don’t know why, but this song always brings tears to my eyes. I could be in a day filled with glitter and unicorns and tears would still happen. I can never pinpoint and I stopped trying to figure out why but I figure if the Universe and iTunes is giving it to me, there is a reason why! I really love these lyrics: “These are the ghosts of California. Screaming songs that no one knows. It’s a good year for leaving. It’s a good year for for letting go…”

“Falling Apart” by Linus Young
I was pretty obsessed with this band when they came out, then as quickly as their album was released, they disappeared. I know that happens a lot to artists and that’s heartbreaking to know that the industry they’re trying to make a living or create in just uses them and spits them out like worn out gum. Any way, these lyrics hit me this month: “I guess I’m broken myself…I don’t expect you to stay. It’s probably easier to walk away…” I don’t expect things from people anymore but just because I don’t expect doesn’t mean I don’t deserve things. This song reminded me of that. Some people will do the easiest things like walk away vs putting forth an effort. 

“What’s Love Got to Do With It” by Tina Turner
I was in an Uber when this song played and it made me think of my mom. There are certain songs that will always remind me of her and this is one of them. She loved this song and Tina Turner and these lyrics just spoke to me: “I’ve been taking on a new direction but I have to say I’ve been thinking about my own protection. It scares me to feel this way…”

“Stay” by Peter Murphy
Don’t remember why I added this song to the playlist but I’ve always dug this song and these lyrics: “Stay. That’s what I meant to say. Or do something but what I never say is stay…but you can never really tell when somebody wants something you want too…” Just always be honest and raw with your thoughts feelings and emotions. The love and energy you have may actually be matched but you can’t be afraid to ask or share with others.

“Fade Away” by Breaking Benjamin
As “heavy” as this band is in sound, their lyrics and songs are even heavier in emotions and these lyrics…“It’s over I didn’t want to see it come to this. I wonder if I will ever see your face again and I know that I will find a way to shed my skin. It’s simple I know that I will suffer in the end. Fast I fade away. It’s almost over. Hold on. Slow I suffocate. I’m cold and broken. Alone.” Those are the moments when you know when things are over and done and you can truly let go and walk away with peace in your heart.

“One Headlight” by Wallflowers
This song is courtesy of Suzanne. I received a text from her that asked: “The wallflowers one headlight…do they say “it’s the incinerator, put it all together” or something about Cinderella?! I need you in America damn it!!! I know zero correct lyrics!!!” This is one of the many reasons I love Suz. She never ever gets the lyrics right. Sing-a-longs with her are always hilarious! Miss and love you Suz-e-cue!

“Wanna Be Something Startin’ Somethin’” by Michael Jackson
iTunes shuffle gift here. These lyrics gave me that “church-feel-the-Lord-in-you vibes”: “Lift your head up high and scream out to the world. I know I am someone and let the truth unfurl. No one can hurt you now because you know what’s true. Yes I believe in me, so you believe in you…”

“Creancient” by Xavier Rudd and the United Nations
When I feel the need for “religion” in my life, I turn to music and one artist I turn to is Xavier. His music always speaks to my soul and this song playing on a Sunday of September just lifted me spiritually higher. “Rise up to creation spirit of the ancients…With truth in your treatment, will you hold them? Block them receive them…See’s power in your stillness and your harmony. Rise up. With grace and dignity you set your parameters, setting the channel for your fruit to grow…”

“Stick to Your Guns” by Bon Jovi
Holly, Krissie, and Beth will understand the Bon Jovi love here. Though “Runaway” is my #1 favorite Bon Jovi song, this is my favorite song from the album NEW JERSEY (please don’t cringe ladies). These lyrics have always gotten to me: “Stick to your guns. Ain’t nobody gonna hurt you, baby. You can go for the trigger but only if you have to. Aim from the heart. Some will love and some will curse you, baby. You can go to war but only if you have to…”

“Stuck in a Rut” by Burn Halo
If James Hart is singing, I’m listening. Patrick turned me onto Eighteen Visions and I never looked back. I was crushed when 18V broke up, but was happy to see James return with Burn Halo. This song and these lyrics always come to me at the right time: “Sometimes my life is a mess. Sometimes I have my regrets. Sometimes I just can’t find my way and sometimes I just don’t have a say…Stuck in the middle of a rut and I gotta find a way to get outta here…I know that I’ve seen better days, I know this hearts been broken. I know that I’m goin’ be okay. I know that there’s still hope and I’m holding on for the moment, I’m holding on…”

“Sunshine” by Matisyahu
This song always is a morning motivator: “Keep on moving till the first rays of dawn. Keeping it on till the day is done. Morning till the night time blaze is on. All along I keep singing my song…But just know that I’ll always stay, ‘Cause you’re my light through the haze. It’s time for a champion…Reach for the sky. Keep your eye on the prize. Forever in my mind. Be my golden sunshine. It’s raining in your mind. So push them clouds aside…”

“Trouble” by Ryan Adams
Don’t remember the exact reason I said, yes, this song is going on the list for September and even after listening to it, the reason why never came back to me, but I dig the opening lyrics: “Trouble, I hear the clock tick in the room. The walls will crumble, and you’re holding the match up to the fuse. Sometimes I’ve just got nothing else to say. I’ve been on repeat since yesterday. There’s something to lose, either way…”

“Bird of Prey” by Editors
I was staring at this beautiful “bird of paradise” flower one morning and these lyrics popped into my head: “…every lie you’ve ever been told. The greatest story ever told. The circling bird of prey. Above a church on a Sunday…you are a shiver. The gold and the silver. My heart is a church bell ringing to the birds.” There is something so beautiful, haunting, and sad about this song. It always just hits me when I hear it. I can listen to over and over.

“Drive Thru Love” by Models
Really have to thank Nick for turning me onto the Models. Was able to catch this Aussie band live this month (god, I miss live music) and though their set was amazing and so clean in sound, something about the performance of this song and the lyrics of the entire song really stuck to me that night.

“Mess is Mine” by Vance Joy
This song came to courtesy of Amy. She said, “listen, you’ll understand.” She was right, I understood. “…You can tell me what you see. I will choose what I believe…This mess was yours, now your mess is mine. Your mess is mine…You’re the reason that I feel so strong, the reason that I’m hanging on…you still make sense to me…”

“Perfect Illusion” by Lady GaGa
I didn’t really dig this song at first listen or second listen, but I’m a GaGa fan and I know I don’t have to like everything she does and I don’t but then I listened to the lyrics and that’s when the song clicked with me: “Now that I’m wakin’ up. I still feel the blow, but at least now I know. It wasn’t love…It was a perfect illusion…I’m over the show…Somewhere in all the confusion. You were so perfect. You were a, you were a perfect illusion.”

“Live Some” by Drake White
Just like the message behind the song. We must always live some no matter what is going. “Give your heart to a few, get it broke a time or two, and then you put it back together…Find a little quiet in the noise. And live some and love some…”

“Springsteen” by Eric Church
This reminded me of friends and family back home this month: “Funny how a melody sounds like a memory, like the soundtrack to a July Saturday night…I bumped into you by happenstance. You probably wouldn’t even know who I am, but if I whispered your name I bet there’d still be a spark…” God, I miss being able to be giggly, stupid, and completely disconnected from the world when I’m with them. That’s what I love about them. Whatever was going on in my life or brain when I was with them, just didn’t exist when I was with them.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=videoseries?list=PL801EdtjRumkH33ItPMonXeZOwdKyUnUW]