There are times when I’m going to see my family that I just break out into tears. It’s because I remember that my mom isn’t going to be there when I arrive. It’s like I forget that she has passed away.
Today, I spent the day with my sister, my bro-in-law, & nieces. We did some shopping and hanging out. It was great to have them near. It was a normal outing for us. I could feel the energy of my mom around us and smiling down on us. There was no fighting, just lots of laughter and love. I think it was something we all needed.
I’ve talked to my mom a lot this week. More than I usually do. I need advice and an ear that only a mother can give or do. I hope she visits me in my dreams to give me answers or sends me the signs I need for answers. It’s not the same as a hug or word advice from her lips, but it’s all I have now. It’s the only way she can communicate to me.
I’ve realized this week that there is no manual for living, loving, and being.
You just do what you do and don’t hurt anyone in the process. Yeah, I might get hurt in the process, but as long as I don’t cause the hurt, I can put myself back together again from the hurt of others. I’m use to it. I have a stockpile of superglue so I’m always prepared.
Do what you do…maybe that’s my mom telling me that. Maybe I’ve always known you just have to do whatever it is you want to do. There’s no real answers. Close your eyes and jump into the unknown. If you believe in yourself, you’ll soar. You brave life and hope it doesn’t kick your teeth in.
So, even though my mom’s not here to give me the answers that I seek, I think she’d just tell me what she’s always told me, and that is just to be honest. Be honest with myself, my heart, my feelings, and to others. It’s what she & my dad has always told me and my sister. Be honest and be who you are and no one else.
The fine art of living is just doing…Nike had it right. Just do it.
I just have to take a deep breath and live and believe. That’s all…
