I can feel it in my bones.

There’s a certain ache. It’s an ache of the sun slipping away into the darkness sooner and of Luna staying awake longer than she should.

The ending of a season filled with blue skies and green grass and the beginning of a season filled with gray skies and snow-white embankments.

It’s the oncoming storm.

A storm that no matter how hard or how much I prepare for, it’s never enough.

It ravages my soul and leaves me desolate.

I lose who I am.

I lose the spark of life that lets me create.

I want to drown myself in the darkness of my own soul. Hide in the shadows of it and hope it swallows me whole.

This is what depression sometimes feels like for me, but it is also what seasonal depression feels like for me.

I experienced seasonal depression for the first time this year and it was brutal. No pep talk, no encouragement, no positive thoughts could or did help me. I only wanted to hide underneath the covers every day.

As winter draws close, I feel the oncoming storm in my bones…that dampening in my spirit, the spark of life dimming.

This time as I feel it coming on, I am mentally prepared for it. I am aware of what is happening in my mind and in my body.

My soul and spirit stand tall.