As I was driving home to see Brenda, Bud, Riley, & Taylor which is your home, I realized that it doesn’t feel like home. You’re not there to greet me. I don’t have the urge to rush over there on a Saturday & Sunday to take you to the store or just to sit and talk with you. It’s strange driving over to see them … Continue reading Home
So, changing for you, well that turned into, me still being a lazy slob. I can hear your voice and see the look you’re giving me right now. I know, I know, I know. Just stop being lazy. I don’t know why I’m so hard on myself Mama. I guess I expect perfection & extraordinary and when I don’t give myself that, I let my … Continue reading What Workout?
Last night I missed you a lot Mama. I realized that nothing can ever replace what you were, still are, have and will always been to me. I haven’t been writing like I should but I don’t feel motivated to write a “love story.” I don’t believe in love right now. I know that’s a bit harsh to say, but that’s what I feel. Maybe … Continue reading Not Enough Today
So I caught up on the TV show Human Target. You would really like it Mama. It has action, fight scenes, car chases, and funny characters. You would like the leading actor too. And you’d like the fact he just shoots a gun vs standing there and thinking about it. As I watched it, I felt you sitting beside me enjoying it as well. Continue reading Human Target
Today is my last day of unhealthy eating & being a lazy slob. I’m changing my habits for you. I can hear you tell me “you know you can do it, you just have to work hard at it.” Hopefully in 30 days I’ll be 10lbs lighter, eating healthier than I do now, and feel better about myself. I know I can do it and … Continue reading Changing for You
I had this idea come to me last night. Last night wasn’t a good night for me. I miss my mom but last night, I missed her a lot more than I usually did. I really needed motherly advice, her motherly advice, but she’s no longer here to give it to me. So as I cried off and on for most of the night, caught … Continue reading My Letters
Well, I’d like to think I do have this thing called life figured out, but who am I to kid Mama. I’m great at giving the right advice and I’m great at listening. I suck at following advice for others. I think it’s a trust issue. I don’t know why I have trust issues, but I do. I think the trust issues are the fact … Continue reading I Think I Got This Figured Out
I’m sitting here listening to Matthew Ryan’s “Follow the Leader.” I just adore this song. It’s simply beautiful. The lyrics “We‘re in this solar system. Together and alone…Now you can follow your gut, or you follow you can follow the past but if you knew an eclipse was coming, why’d you even ask?” I’ve been struggling with a lot of of emotions the last few … Continue reading Follow the Leader
I finally decided to sit down and go through the mail. It wasn’t my mail, it was my mom’s mail. They were all medical bills and condolences from hospital staff. Tucked in all that was my mom’s death certificate. She left this world on December 17, 2009. She’s finally home with her dad and her mom. Knowing that was one thing. Realizing it was another. … Continue reading Death Certificate
Everyone keeps asking me if I’m okay and even though I say yes, they give me that look like I’m lying to them. Yes, one week ago my mom died. Yes, one week ago I lost one of the most important people in my life (but I have others who are just as important still with me.) Why can’t I be okay with death? My … Continue reading Hope Comes from Letting Go